Last night's schedule:

6pm: Arrive home, worried about dog after leaving her locked in her kennel for 12 hours straight. Mentally prepare self to clean up disgusting mess, only to discover dog is fine! Dog lazily stretches out and casually walks around living room.

6:40 Return from long frolic in park across the street. Lots of sprinting, chasing, and playing. Dog had one small pee and sits quietly while I eat dinner.

6:50 Feed dog.

7:00 Dog runs downstairs and whines like she's about to burst. Put coat on, take dog around the neighborhood. No dice.

7:10 Come back inside, put dog directly in crate as puppy trainer tells us. Dog will go directly back outside after 20 minutes, repeat process until she pees.

7:30 Dog whines incessantly and tries to dig out of her crate. Take dog outside.

7:40 No dice. Put dog back in crate.

8:00 Dog continues to whine and begins barking. Take dog outside.

8:10 No dice. Put dog back in crate, dragging her up the stairs by her leash.

8:30 Dog whines for the entire 20 minutes again. I casually saunter past her cage a few times so she can see me and I can taunt her. Take dog outside.

8:40 No dice. Put a squirming, reluctant dog back in her crate. There are toys in the living room! She wants to play! TOYS!

9:00 Dog's whining has reduced in volume slightly, but has reached supersonic pitch levels at times. Dog is convinced I've gone deaf, why bother whining. Take dog outside.

9:10 No dice. I am convinced the dog has figured out how to sublimate her poop. Put dragging, resigned dog back into her crate.

9:30 Take dog out for ONE! LAST! CHANCE! Grumble the entire way. Think about how you might be able to muffle her crate so when she poops herself at 2am it doesn't bother me.

9:35 Success! Rain treats down upon dog in a frenzy of praise.

9:40 let dog run around living room for 20 minutes before it's time to put her in her crate for bed.

10:00 Sleep the sleep of the just. Anyone wanna buy a dog?

Posted by Janine at January 26, 2005 07:32 AM